"I walked in the store with my head held high, proud that I'd be buying a magnificent product such as one that I'd seen on the television. I was probably wearing a wolf shirt, because nothing is more majestic than a wolf, and I wanted to be worthy to carry this donut filled with tiny balls of Styrofoam.
As I drew near the packaging called out to me, "I can be twisted in any so many ways!" "Come to me!" "Come on, sucker!" I thought it was weird that a blue pillow was talking to me, but I figured that it was just because of the awesomeness.
I picked up the pillow and held it up in the air, shaking it gloriously. People around me stared in fright, I stared at them in contempt. They weren't touching this glorious bagel.
I looked at the pillow one more time, it looked at me like one of those cookies that were made by those old cookie press machines. After more than twenty minutes of uninterrupted eye contact, I walked to the check out, nonchalant. I wasn't there to make a scene at the Bed, Bath & Beyond.
I walked out and took my prize out of the package and slid it behind my neck, folded in half, the way of the kings and travelers. We had five minutes pure summer love, then something happened. My precious, magnificent friend turned away from me. My stuffed onion ring started ripping, its immortal beads spilling around my shoulders. "Too soon!" I cried as I pulled the traitor from behind my neck. I was rattled to the bone as I through the pillow out the door.
This isn't the way it was supposed to end. But it did."
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